Dust

The street, narrow and deformed with asymmetrical lines of skewed buildings and half decayed balconies. The sunrays never penetrate the jungle of interwoven rusted pipes, antennas and clotheslines. Sometimes you catch the glimpses of the sunrays or its reflections, but usually it is constant gloom of yellow-greenish tones. You walk through the labyrinth of interchangeable streets and numerous debris of once blossoming monuments to human emotions.

We where walking there for eternity now. The light remains permanent with subtle humming of electrical transformators and television sets stuck between the channels. The asymmetry is perfect in a chaotic sense making it even harder to find your way even if you have one, but mostly you just keep on following the perfectly transformed imperfections of the pavement, which sometimes reaches up to the second floor just to reveal the antiques of the over-aged foundations.

Our footsteps where slow and light nevertheless giving out a substantial echo. We never spoke. Our fingers were interwoven into an ingenious knot of human relations unbroken by lose waves of sound. The energy flow was constant feeding the nucleus of our shared being. We knew the purity of the moment, which would end but not now.

The shallow echo of our departing footsteps quivered the dust settling into the place of eternal rest until the next violation would be applied. Everything remained constant and ignorant to any signs of human emotions born again and fed by the lack of colour.

Another turn…left…again left, then right and left again…another arch…another turn…

We sat in the living room unscathed by sunlight or daylight in general. Flickering electric bulb, unprotected and fragile, on the top of a century old lamp lit the space filled with unfulfilled promises and broken dreams. The wallpapers, stained with leaking water and age, hung loosely in places just to reinforce the atrophy of feelings stale with age.

She shook the ash into rusty can used for an ashtray and locked the gaze with me. Her eyes felt its way into deeper realms of my brain. It felt its way to the subconscious part, dark and unpredictable. I shook it of and took a long puff of my cigarette. It tasted rich and deep after stale taste of lost memories. I looked at her once again and exhaled all my thoughts with the cigarette smoke. She understood. I knew that. I could read it in her eyes. She was beautiful and I was free, but it was all somewhere else and with somebody whom I knew long time ago.

:top:

Mickey Mouse Cloud

It’s locked!
Don’t you worry about that, I know where the key is hidden.
He had to stretch all the way up, onto his toes. H felt the gap blindly until he has got a grip of what he was looking for. He inserted the key into the lock and it opened. He quietly took the lock off the hinges and hung it nearby. He also didn’t forget to put the key back and, so, the way was free. They walked half a flight up. Then climbed a narrow ladder with a little trap door at the top. As they climbed out, she gasped with amazement. It was dark there, but millions and millions of stars were watching down on them. The bright lights of the city below couldn’t interfere with this view. Light wind blew her hair, which made her feel free.
They found the cosy place, where there was no wind and the city lights were also out of sight. He took is backpack off and withdrew 3 candles, 2 fireproof cups, 2 spoons, 2 cubes of sugar and half-empty bottle of absinth. It contained just the right amount of emerald liquid for two of them to drink. He arranged everything with speed and agility, while she watched him with much of amusement in her beautiful brown eyes. He poured down the ancient liquid through the cubes of sugar right into the cups. He took his spoon to the candle and lit it. She did exactly the same. They watched the colourful spectacle in their cups. Her eyes were full of awe. She copied his movement, but struggled to cope with the flames and it ended in laughter.
They talked quietly about everything and about nothing as they inhaled reach fragrant fumes of the “green dragon”. Their chatter gained the momentum just to die out with the last drops of the spirit.
He leaned back against the boarding. She sat near him as the first candle was blown out by a slight wind. They started talking again, but as they sat closer to each other, their voices silenced. When the second of the candles died out she leaned against him and he put his arm around her. Their conversation died out again. They both watched the stars and small clouds sailing through the dark ocean of the sky in perfect silence of the night.
He drew her closer. She put her head on his chest and pointed at one cloud.
Doesn’t it look like Mickey Mouse?
You’re right! He rides a hors.
Not anymore! Look at him fall!
They both laughed and hug each other even harder as the last of the candles died out. He has so much to tell her, but he couldn’t say a thing. He wanted to let her know the truth. That he didn’t want to let her go. He wanted to stay with her, but… he knew that it was the last time that they would spend alone together. At least in this life. Tomorrow his life would change. Tomorrow, he would start a new life, far away from this place. Far away from her. He didn’t ruin the moment with words; he just hugged her tighter and watched as a plane flew across the sky. He made a wish…
Her phone rang.
Yes, I’m coming. I’m already at the bus stop. Yes. I’ll be there in 5 minutes.
Angrily she put the phone back into her pocket.
How I want to stay here longer. I really want to stay, but I promised. – she frowned, -I must be going now!
They both stood up. She straightened out her jacket, while he was packing empty cups and bottle, spoons and burned out candles. He put his backpack on, took her hand and started toward the exit.
Hey! Do you… want… me to kiss you on the lips? I mean, just a “friendly”? Huh?
He smiled and looked away, but she continued, - No, seriously. I mean it. Don’t you want?
Of course. I want! – he said blushing.
She came closer to him. Stood on her toes and gently pressed her warm and sweet lips against his. It lasted no more than a second and then they both looked away. He wanted to grab her and kiss her one more time and one more and more and… but he simply looked away.
I will miss you! – she said quietly.
He helped her down through the trap door, down the ladder. He silently locked the door and they quietly descended the stairs. He didn’t accompany her to the bus stop. He simply said goodbye. And as she walked away, he couldn’t take his mind off her. She was everything to him and yet he was leaving her.
It was the right face, the right person but it was awfully wrong time.
He never closed his eyes during the night and as the dawn shone through with first rays of sun, he could no longer deceit himself. He really loved…

:top:

Paranoia

The stairs, long and steep, leading to the ground floor. She never liked them. In this kind of houses, old and literary “used”, the stairs are always slippery. You always hear or read about accidents occuri8ng on this kind of steps. Sometimes even fatal accidents involving children or because of them. Perfectly fit and young man wakes up in middle of the night, still in a half-sleepy mode goes down to the bathroom, slips… Or a young mother, full of life and energy, steps on a “Burago” toy car and stumbles face down this kind of stairs…
Though, all those thoughts won’t do any good, so, cautiously, she climbs down the stairs into a gloomy kitchen. So deserted, so lonely with dim light of the moon barely scraping through the frosted window. She thought about waking him up. At least she wouldn’t feel so uneasy, but it would’ve been lunatic to wake him up at 3:03 a.m. just because she was scared to pee on her own. Without even turning the lights on she continued through the kitchen to the white bathroom door, which stood ajar and still. She kept her footsteps slow and paced despite her heart pacing at speed of cheetah closing on her prey. She reached for the door knob and swung the door wide open. More darkness - full and solid. She reached for the light chord bearing a weird feeling of being watched. Through the moments it took the light to eventually chase away the pesky darkness; she almost convinced herself that she would see the creature right in front of her staring numbly at her… the bathroom was empty. The fluorescent daylight bulb chased all the phantoms away sterilizing the bathroom with irritably bright light. She closed the door behind her and stared at her own reflection. All those recent nightmares started to show. The black beneath her swollen eyes grew more and more visible. She opened the tap of cold water. Waited until it became really cold, then splashed it at her face. She knew it couldn’t go any longer. She had to relax and think positive thoughts; otherwise those nightmares will never leave her. When did they start? 3 months? 4? In fact, it all started when she moved into the house.
Now, stop it! You are being paranoid! It is all in your head and the house has nothing to do with it.
She knew that it was the truth, but couldn’t help herself and stop thinking the dark thoughts. She left the water running, while sitting on the toilet. Now she started to regret it, because through the noise of running water she imagined other noises coming from the deserted kitchen. She knew it was a part of her inflamed imagination playing tricks on her, but once again she got goose bumps. She flushed the water, washed her hands and splashed some more water at her face. Just before opening the door, she held her breath listening to the silence of the house and only after about a minute when her lungs started to burn begging for some air she dared to draw a breath and open the door turning off the bathroom lights. The darkness embraced her with claustrophobic tightness of the coffin paralyzing her with childhood fears of unseen monsters creeping out of the closets and from under the bed. She couldn’t force herself to move until her eyes, which grew accustomed to the darkness, helped her to make out the deserted kitchen. She wanted to run, but logic and dignity made her keep the usual pace.
On her ascend; just when she was within the reaching distance of her bedroom, she heard it once again. A gentle scrapping and squeaking of the tiles. As if some unseen being was slowly making its way through the moonlit kitchen. Telling the logic to go screw itself, she flew up the last steps and straight into the bedroom shutting the door behind. Drawing the deep breaths she leaned against the smooth wooden surface of the door waiting and listening. Nothing. The whole house was asleep. The only sound present was her thunderous heartbeat and his calm and even breathing. She waited for few more minutes before surrendering to the warmth of her bed. Once again she thought about waking him up, but she immediately chased the thought away, it would’ve been too selfish a thing to do. So, she closed her eyes trying thinking of seashore, sand and sunshine. The gentle but uneasy slumber eventually took over her.
The door did not creek. It swung open just enough for a shadow to slip into the room f peaceful slumber. Two little hearts, two chests moving up and down in the instinctive rhythm encoded in their DNA. The shadow didn’t make any sounds, now was the time to keep quite. It hovered over the bed peering at the two figures lying on there. A thin, long strip stretched towards the small and delicate neck. It moved up gently rubbing the earlobe bringing warm smile to the sleeping lips. It paused just for a moment savouring the moment before moving on into the ear. Deep. Deep. Even deeper…
The smile began to melt all the way into the frown. The eyeballs began to move frantically behind the closed eyelids. The single bid of sweat formed over the brow, getting heavier and finally running down the temple as the rest of body became more and more restless…

:top:

Triplet

Dysfunctional reality… Anonymous twist of fate… The world without end…

It was sunny winter morning. Autumn leaves lay scattered over the ground. Summer fading in our memories. The tendency to feel something through the frost crust of apathy. Some still waiting for a miracle. Some already know the truth. Seeing winter in white and red and green with ribbon, packed for Christmas celebration. Maybe that is the greatest illusions of the 21st century. People always tried to revive the memory of Mr. Big Belly, Mr. Long White Beard, Mr. Jolly Face, Mr. Never Exist. Despite ruthless reality of everyday life hovering over innocence of human soul, the gusty winds of joy still roam the streets and hearts right before the Main Celebration. I want you to know one thing; I really do feel and even smell anticipation and joy in the frozen air.

Why does the new thing creep up on us when it is least anticipated? Actually, it really doesn’t matter whether it is good or bad, but it’s always unexpected. The human fate is to always run away from obvious and never understand the truth. The twists reveal the revelations. Have you seen a ray of sun in the midst of the stormy sea, I guess this is what revelation looks like from metaphysical point of view. Reminesance of this event continues reverberating in every bone for quite a while. I want you to know one thing, if you listen carefully to the voice inside, you might change your life for good.

Viewing edge of the roof from the different angles gives us a hint. The edge of the local world and the beginning of remote world. World much greater and much more attractive then the local world of romantic, but short adventure of the roof. Try to open your eyes and see the real difference. Always reach out for the new world unless you are in the right one already. Surreallity of multi-world concept ends when you reach the edge of the roof and understand that the world is without end indeed. I wanted you to know one thing, you can always jump the worlds and try to reach another, but you will have to know where to stop, otherwise you’ll lose it forever.

I wanted you to know one thing, it is up to you to decide your fate.

:top:

Flashbacks (eyes)

He drove for almost an hour now. He was not sure where he wanted to go. It was far past the midnight and the streets were almost empty, at least pedestrians were nowhere to be seen. Whole day heavy storm clouds foretold of rain, but it never came. He was confused in his life. Too much has changed since the last time that he tried to “fly”. He was not drunk, even though he really wanted to. Nevertheless flashbacks plagued his vision during most of the night. Sometimes he could not even understand were he was. This was getting dangerous.

…looking in the rear mirror at his own reflection. He can see right through himself…

Back to reality. Everything is ok, only rare lamp-posts flicker by. In his thoughts he returned to the time when he first saw her. He could not remember anything about her except of her posture and strangeness that penetrated every pore of her catlike body. She was like…like hallucination…
Tires squeaked as he nearly hit a dog. He cursed himself for being not too attentive, but he couldn’t help himself and drowned back into his memories… there again, at the concert. At first he didn’t recognize her. He was sure that she wouldn’t either, but she did…

…5 a.m. they’re playing with balloon like little kids, not listening to other’s conversation…

Plenty of gas left. No need in refueling, so no worries. Back to the memory world. He saw her frustration with everything around her. He really tried to help, to cheer her up, but nothing did work…

…we won’t be able to come, she’s in the hospital…she…she attempted suicide…

The speed limit on the city streets doesn’t exceed 60km. He’s driving at 84km. He couldn’t care less. He remembers her warm hand when he first took it. He almost dies of embarrassment. He blushed abundantly and couldn’t look her in her eyes. He felt so warm inside. He didn’t want to let her go, but he couldn’t tell her.
Police car. He dropped the speed. No need of problems with police when you already have a mouthful of problems by yourself.

…she, sitting on the front seat beside him, smiling…disappears…

He was astonished by the reality and abruptness of that vision. She was like real. Only if he didn’t know…But what causes this flashbacks?! Maybe he’s going mad. He could consider it as a possibility. The road didn’t worry him anymore. The memories are the only thing that’s real. They took control over him. He remembered this look on her face that appeared only couple of times. The look of pure innocence illuminated by a warm glow of newborn light ascending from the depth of her eyes. He wished to see it one more time.

…a kiss on a forehead awoke the smile on lips of sleeping beauty…
…so innocent and helpless wrapped in blanket of a dream…
…a fire of her anger reflected in her eyes for moment of revelation…
…it’s dark and cold where he did crawl to see abyss of night…

Now, that he completely succumbed himself to the memories, he knew exactly where he was going. The rain finally broke its fluffy prison in the sky. It dribbled on the windshield, but he didn’t notice it, because he didn’t care, he looked far beyond reality. Speed arrow began its move in an upward direction. Overcame 100km, mark and kept rising. He knew exactly where he was going now. He only pushed accelerator further into the floor and continued looking into his dream world.
146km. and rising.
The rain is so heavy that it totally blocks the vision.
…he can walk on the clouds holding her hand like he once did…
158km…
Pine Ave. is the longest street in the city and is famous for an ancient brick wall at the end of it, where it connects to the Straight St.
171km…
He knows…
…her eyes of pure innocence illuminated by a warm glow of newborn light ascending from somewhere deep inside…
At that hour even Pine Ave. is totally deserted.
Foot on a pedal.
…stars mark the path that leads to eternal peace…
From out of the darkness of the night, headlights brought out a famous solid brick wall.
He knew…
…her eyes…

:top:

Frozen Kingdom

The car came to its final stop. Even though she tried to make the car move, tires simply spun through on the slippery surface of the frozen pavement.
Let go of it! It won’t move. We’ll have to continue by foot.
In vain she tried to prove me wrong, but an “ice queen” was stronger, so, she finally gave in.
O.K. You win! Let’s go!
It has been snowing whole day that is why in this late hours of the night everything around was white. The snow continued falling making this frozen kingdom even more mysterious. The air was cold and pure. All signs of the city smoke and air pollution was wiped away by those fluffy flakes. Despite the late hour, crystal clear air filled my lungs and oxygen came roaring into my veins filling me with pure energy. I felt like I could walk all night long. The only thing that I needed was her beside me. She didn’t seem quite happy about leaving her car, but I guess the air and virgin atmosphere around, also got through her, because I’ve caught a glimpse of joy deep in her enormous tired eyes.
The road was really slippery. I weighed almost twice as much as her, and that is why I had only minor problems, while she, with her petite body, had a difficulty of walking straight. After nearly trembling down once or twice, she finally got hold of my hand. Despite the freezing temperature her hand was warm and reassuring. Every time she nearly fell, I caught her without any problems. We walked, we talked, we laughed, we thought… we stopped. It was the only lit post for the nearest miles. Snow danced in the light and the sky glittered with a mysterious gloomy light. Everywhere you looked it was snow, fluffy and pure. Her hand felt warm and soft. Her gaze, her big tender eyes sparkled with something mysterious, something deep, something beyond my understanding. I knew I loved her. I knew that all along. I know that she is meant for something grand. She is the one for this underdosed world. I felt the power of the moment. I wanted it to last forever.

:top:

Snowfall and Dr. Pepper

The moment I woke up, I thought that something was really moving in the dark of the room. Every muscle in my body strained and brain went into overdrive. Soon, though, I came to a conclusion that it was just a phantom from the dream that I could no longer even remember. I stretched. Tried to shove my body into comfortable enough position to get some more sleep. After several long minutes, I finally realized that the sleep has gone too far to come back. I stretched again. My biological clock whispered that it was around 4:00 a.m. I sat on the corner of a bed for a moment and thought about all the choices I had for spending the rest of the night. It has been quite a while that I stopped watching T.V. It was too commercial, too oppressive, too realistically unrealistic for me to enjoy. I was sick of Internet as well, because it simply tried to simulate the reality that I hated too much to even believe in. finally making the most appropriate decision, I dressed up. It was freezing outside. The snowflakes still swirled in a silent dance, but wind was absent. The nearby market was open 24/7, so, I went inside. The cashier was definitely not in the mood for a late-night chat. So, I quickly paid for the beer and left the bright neon-lit place. I couldn’t see the moon. The milk of the snow clouds kept it away from my sight. For a while I wondered without any specific idea in my head. I had no one to think about. No heart-warming image flickering before my eyes. I guess I was simply a loner. I wouldn’t say that I really enjoyed that prospect. From time to time I did feel a strong need in feeling someone’s warmth beside me, or having someone to protect or should I say someone about whom I would feel some kind of responsibility. I always loved watching snowfall, especially at the nighttime. The best viewing place is somewhere near the lamppost. The view is honestly breathtaking. I could watch snowfall for hours, slowly sipping beer. Something was wrong. Something changed. The snow did fall as a minute ago, but still something was wrong. Suddenly I realized that I was no longer a sole spectator of this show. A silhouette stood on the other side of the post. It stood deep in the shadows and it was really hard to notice. One thing I could appreciate was the perfect choice of placement for full viewing of this astonishing panorama. I guess it also was drinking something. I was quite amazed that there was one more lunatic that appreciated this spectacle. I didn’t want to ruin the moment, so, I stood and kept drinking my beer. The snowfall weakened and finally seized. I remembered about the stranger. Looked that way, but it was no longer there. Out of curiosity, I still went to the place where I thought I saw someone. The snow was almost untouched, only small and tidy footsteps. Those tennis shoes had to belong to a girl. Nearby I found an empty can of Dr. Pepper. A smile touched my face. I felt wings flopping somewhere right below my bellybutton. “See you next time!” – I whispered, and with a growing smile on my face went back home. I didn’t like watching the sunrise; it is too prosaic and plastic for me.

:top:

Do All Humans Look Alike?

I was sitting on the seashore of pebbles that felt like sand with four of my friends. One of them, the oldest, was very slim and very fat at the same time with grey rare hair. His face was usually motionless and his eyes impenetrable. He called himself Eric. The second one was short of obese complexion bearing the huge hump on his back. His eyes were in a constant motion so you could never catch his eye for more than a fraction of a second. His name was Benho. The third member of our weird group was crippled. His body did not evolve at the same time as his head, so it made almost comical picture of a huge, balloon-like head with a bright red cap and Ray Ban sunglasses attached to a withered abomination of a body. His name was Mike. And the last member of our group was a lady. Nobody knew exact or even approximate age because she always wore a full-body black latex suit and had a red scarf all over her face. Her eyes were also concealed by impenetrable black goggles. Her name was Mystique, or should I say it was what she liked to be called. Oh, yes. I’ve got so carried away by describing my strange companions that I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Freake. I, should I say, am the most normal looking out of the group. I am quite tall, well-built with asymmetrical blonde-green hair and radiant purple eyes. Some even call me to be quite handsome. But that is not the point.
It was an absolutely normal day; the sky was dark purple with the ever-present rain cloud but at the same time crimson on the horizon, the mark of the everlasting sunset. The air was still and warm, so, Eric, Benho and I decide to go for a swim, the zombie style. It meant that basically instead of swimming we had to go strait into the sea without moving the limbs until the water covered us all. Eric lead the way, consequently, he was the first to be covered. When I saw him still moving forth I knew I had to act, otherwise he would suffocate without even realizing it. So, I grabbed him by his hair and started dragging him out of abyss. Just as his face appeared on the surface I saw a back fin of the giant white shark closing on as at the miraculous speed. In the panic I started to back peddle as my hands were still holding Eric felt to be unconscious or just unmoved by the situation. But despite my fierce effort the fin was still closing the gap with ease. Adrenaline was reaching its peak and my eyes became as wide as dinner plates in anticipation of the final fatal strike when I felt the sand underneath. At the same moment the beast stopped, turned slapping me with its sleazy tale and disappeared in the boiling water. I couldn’t move. This assault was so shocking that all I could do was sit and look at the see with the dumb expression on my face. Eric was lying to my left still unbothered by anything.
I felt movement to the left of me. Not without an effort I looked away just to see a fluorescent orange shrimp standing and looking back at me. It was no more than 20 centimetres big. It had 3 hands on the left and 5 on the right side. It was wearing a brown hat and held a briefcase of matching colour in lower of the left hands. Its look was of curiosity and something like calculation as if it wanted to sell me something, but after brief hesitation it just turned back to the sea and jumped into the water hurrying away.
I could sit here on this place forever, so I stood up. I left Eric lying there and walked up the shore. There I saw Mystique. She was engaged in some kind of an argument with a presentably looking man. His longish raven hair was combed back and his goatee was as sharp as a sabre. He was wearing a black suit with black shoes and vermillion shirt. Despite all his good looking and well-mannered behaviour I easily recognized the mythological character, Mephistopheles, standing right in front of me. I approached them just in time to hear that the argument was about humans and whether they all looked alike or not. I didn’t exactly knew who was saying what, but my approach brought an immediate solution to their problem. They decided to line 13 people in front of me, so that I could to decide whether they all looked alike or not. After several minutes Mystique arranged the line and stood at its end as the 13th member of this demonstration line. My eyes studied each individual standing in front of me. Surprisingly I acknowledged that 3 of them were simply a drawing made by not a really good artist. 5 of them were faceless mannequins, while all the rest, except for Mystique, were grey-faced zombies with cataract eyes and blank expressions. I wandered how could I judge this argument with such a gathering of worthless exemplars, when the prince of darkness approached me and whispered into my left ear:
- Do all humans look alike?

:top:

White Storm

White storm started the relapse of the eternity under the biased watch of god.
Arguments against the very nature of and prior to beginning were frequently found irrelevant and stuffed in the drawer with old dusty stockings.
Now, that you think about it, you see the clear plotline of the life play.
You believe what you see.
You believe what you hear.
You believe what you feel…
…But you imagine it the other way around.

As sophisticated as you get under the scrutinizing eyes of significant other, you’ll remain the perfect mannequeen in the dream theatre. I think we were much less humane than humans, which led to astonishing resurrection of the dark ages.

The drop,
The tear,
The pill…
They are least common denominators of the flourishing bouquet of emotions that spread their roots and blossom the vital organ. Some “guy” once said: “To be or not to be? That is the question.” – indeed. The truth stings and hurts badly afterwards.

I do want to know the truth!

The Japanese theatre of shadows didn’t attract a single cell-worker of my worn out body. Back to “Truth or Dare” for me. You to choose…

I saw you in my dream. You were standing on the overpass to the miracle life and you never looked back at me. You were to busy gathering the glittering gazes of sophisticated “upper class”. You were the part of the world, I would never want an access to.

Solphegio. My ears. Hearing.

:top:

Sun Spots

The first thing I heard entering the chaos of the room was the mild humming of a stabilizer. The gas masks were hanging on the wall as usual. Formal documentations proving existence of the soul were hidden on the bottom side of seven chairs. The operator of the vital threads was still manipulating with some unimportant lives. Someone asked about weather:
Except of acid rain and medium tornado, the weather will be mild and pleasing.
Actually, when you see chaos, you ought to be strained. I was relaxed. Bored with monotonous unexpectancy of events. I craved for something else. I wanted to see heavenly garden. I really needed a sip of fresh air. Someone told me:
Finally you saw through your eyes. This will help you understand the meaning.
As I saw it, the bottom line of every sarcastic exclamation was a bitter acidic foam on the top of every good-looking hamburger.
I heard of hedgehogs and porcupines. I heard they were fun to pet. Some were wet and some were curled into embryo position. Body trembling from the tension of lust from the sight of sun spots.
I think this year Devils will get the Stanley Cup. Do you doubt me?
All demons and the gods; all the living and the dead; all atrocities of daydreams were among the colorful crowd invited to the “right” party. I thought of Sebastian and his arrows.
When are rhinos planning their flight back north?
I thought of surrealism and vividly acknowledged the logical order of this instable situation. I looked out the window. A deep and soulful glare. There was a girl. 4 or 5 years old. She was playing with sUZI…

:top:

The Kiss

I thought of the lights and saw the smoke.
I thought of the silence and heard the music.
I thought of a drink and tasted Martini.
I thought of her and saw you.
…It smelled like carbon; or maybe I think that carbon smells like that. It was difficult to see anything in that smoke, especially with the neon light and the stroboscope on. The silhouettes flickered from place to place and gave freedom to imagination. I felt like a hedgehog in the fog. Someone’s hand browsed by arm. Tender little fingers playfully tickled my skin. A slight touch on my hand. It felt warm and pleasant. I turned towards the phantom and meat her soft and warm lips. The tenderness with which she pressed her lips against mine mesmerized and hypnotized at the same time. I could not focus. My mind floated into outer space the same way the smoke floated around me. I felt her little tongue between, my lips inviting me in. she tasted of the mint and cinnamon and… something very very sweet. I knew I wanted her. I knew I’d never have her. I knew that taste of mystery and passion. Her lips departed mine. She disappeared before I could open my eyes. And the taste of mint and cinnamon and… something sweet, was the only thing that reminded of her. She was the phantom, ghost…she was perfection. I will never forget the moment when the world went blurred and neon…
I thought I knew the truth, but it was far away.
I thought I felt a passion, but it was just a touch of goddess.
I thought I craved for more, but it was just enough.
I thought I knew myself, but I decline itself.

:top:

…

Information overload overlapping my cognition
Try so hard to stay focused on a blinking light
Will that ever call out for a tractor light beam?

Definition of finishing frustration fishing for the fine furniture
What da fuck???

Heard about a rabbit biting off his own head?
So what???

Just never mind the official version, only fish would care
But listen up, how about a bubble gum?
Was it appropriate?

Will it make the difference between A and F?!
Sure it will!!!

Deformography is continuing as a demographical variable.
Make an appointment and always listen to your attorney.
He will help!!!

:top:

The World Dissolve

The pebbles, usually sharp and discomforting, felt smooth and soothing under his bare feet. He stood there, barely noticing the change, for changes there were quite a few.
The world around him lacked of bright colours. Heavy leaden rain clouds covered the sky. Sun was nowhere to be seen. The similarity to the pre-rain was phenomenal, though it didn’t feel like rain at all. The ashen sky dissolved in the calmest ever sea of the similar shade of grey. The waves barely broke the surface of the grim sea. They gently licked the shore of pebbles of many different tones of grey. The soothing sound of the timid wave foaming between the pebbles dragging them along closer to the breaking point.
The melancholic aura of the greyness of the world dissolving into own self stretched over to the mountains and hills covered with the burnt out green of the forest. The colour, or the lack of it, was not the only peculiarity apart from soothing quality of the shore pebbles, the sound felt not right as well.
Despite the fact that the city line was mere meters away from him, he couldn’t hear any of the usual sounds. He could hear the waves licking the pebble shore, but that was sole sound audible to his ears.
He stood there for a long moment savouring the strange world around him. He was afraid of breaking the melancholic harmony, which mesmerized him and stirred a kind of primal fear from deep inside of his being.

He shook off the trance and started slowly along the beach.

The beach that seemed deserted at the first glance started filling up. As if from the thin air, silhouettes started materializing. The closer he came to each of them, the more real they seemed. At the close encounter, the silhouettes turned into people he knew. They were girls he knew during his life. Each one was accompanied by their partner, which he has never seen. Neither of them smiled or made an effort of keeping up the conversation. Though each of them had something to say. Their words sounded wise and familiar, though making no sense or leaving no trace of this knowledge.
He walked on through the “gallery” of fading memories and faces drained of reality. He no longer cared about all those people of the past. He no longer even slowed near each pair. The numbers started growing smaller as he walked further down the shore. The city line changed to suburbs and finally to the country area.
He continued walking until the last of the phantoms disappeared and the silence accompanied by sound of waves took its rightful place. He walked on for several more minutes. His feet grew tired, so, he stopped. He sat down on the pebbles with his legs crossed facing the intersection of leaden sky and ashen sea.
At first, he thought about all the things that he saw, the things he heard and the things he felt. Soon he lost the interest giving way for the view and the all-biding emptiness of the deep melancholy of the landscape. He opened his conscious to the world around and set his worries aside.
He barely noticed the rain clouds moving about him. The ray of sunlight, bright and happy, fell upon him forming a small circle of light. The sunlight had no problem penetrating the sadness of thereabouts giving colour and warmth along the way. The thing that he didn’t notice was that he was not in the centre of the circle. There was one more place…
He didn’t look at her when she made her way towards him. Even though he caught her in the corner of his eye, he simply couldn’t look away from the horizon.
She approached gracefully and silently. She didn’t hesitate in front of the circle and without breaking her pace stepped into the circle life. She sat down beside him. Close enough, but not too close. Her posture and position identically imitated his.
For a while, both of them sat silently staring at the sea.
The ages went by or the moments, it didn’t matter, as the eternity was theirs at the moment.
He didn’t see the movement, but he felt her hand, warm and tender, sliding into his. Their fingers interweaved and it felt so familiar and warm, yet so exhilarating and new.
He knew that eternity was theirs at the moment and he knew it would still be not enough…

:top:

The WONDERLAND…see you Alice

I wonder what Alice felt while descending through the rabbit hole to the Wonderland…

The surreality of the situation can equal only to absurdity of it. I guess it felt like a dream or an illusion. Will the rabbit ever make it on time or is the time destined to run away from him. Betrayal won’t seem too vivid when the Jack of Spades paints the rose bush black.

Some say that electricity might pass through metal, down the spine and into outer space. Especially when decline in national economy effects so many, you just have no breathing space in between two kisses.

But what if…what if I’ll crack open and all the insides will be black and spoiled?! What then? I guess the world will turn upside down in about 182 days.

Can I ever doubt your might, your faithfulness, your honesty///you are my personal providence and I guess I just can’t do without you. Some guy said: “…and the simple word of “Love” itself already died and went away…” – he wasn’t right; it’s not a simple word.

Why are you crying little girl? You look so fine with all those pink clothes that you wear. You can have all the candy in the world, but Jaqlyn is the only doll that will really love you… oh, that word again… actually I had a revelation – I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT WORD MEANS!

She said: “The Boogieman is real and he’s gonna getcha!”

The emerald street must be so sexy if we’ll consider the theory that green is a sexy color. Amongst other branches, the one with more leaves is the real model.

And should I believe the body language? Does it ever lie? Guess not!!!

I have never played crocket with flamingoes instead of crocket hammers. I guess this is why I am so distracted and misled. I thought about you. I’m not sure what it was, but I wanna leave that issue untouched, even though my writings are much better when they ARE about you… Never mind!

Whenever sleep takes over me, I hope that all that color chaos will form an image of life. The face of the life is only one among the plastic faces that portray the glamour of materialistic shit, while decaying deep inside.

I do not know what will I do and I don’t want to seal the fate of the innocent, especially when they’re two.

God…
…I want to fly!...
…And I will gonna do it!...

:top:

Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Taste

Have you ever stopped to look at the bubbles in the bottle of water before drinking it? You know, it is really exciting. You see what lies underneath the surface. Secrets, desires, fears, addictions…everything is visible. And what would you call the perfect form of the bubble?! The mystery is transparent and clear, almost as the air is. Why didn’t I ever think of it that way?

How come I never met a spotless mind?! Is it a unicorn I’m seeking?
Probably so. The mind is always strained with core partly decayed. At least that is what I know about it.
Do you think that trying to get to the bottom of any problem leaves stains on the gray matter? Am I simply staining my mind right now?
Never mind it! Relax! Have some coffee, have some cigarettes. I’ve heard that it is a perfect combination, especially for breakfast.
You know what, I don’t want to get my head under control. I feel myself free when I do not know the course of action. Only time when it’s so is in my dreams. I feel free. I see myself in multi-session and I enjoy it.
Multi-session?! What do you mean by that? Is it some kind of new age digital method for watching dreams or something?
Actually, I don’t really know what is it. I can simply see and hear myself from the side at the very moment that I see and hear everything from my usual point of view. It feels weird, but it feels free. And that is what really matters.

* * *

She woke up and saw the door of her room ajar the same way as the door of her wardrobe. It was strange. She never left the door opened, neither of her room nor of her wardrobe. After a while she saw the wardrobe door moving. It gained the momentum and it was simply flapping like the wings of a captured bird. It looked like wardrobe was alive. Suddenly a girl ran out of the wardrobe straight towards her. Slapped her in a face and ran out of the room…
She woke up from this weird dream of hers just to find the room door and the wardrobe door open. Her left cheek was still red…

:top:

Perfect Date

Everything was ready for a perfect date. Looked like his dream might finally come true. He has planned this evening for more than 8 months. 8 months passed since he realized how much he loved her. He was afraid of denial, that is why he waited for so long. But now all the torture of waiting and loving has ended, because yesterday he finally asked her for this date. She said “yes”. It was the happiest day of his life…
Everything is ready. Main lights are out and romantic candlelight lit the room. Two comfortable armchairs stand half-facing each other and half-facing fireplace. Burning wood warmly crackles in it and the pleasant scent of burning pine fills the place. Between the armchairs stands a little coffee table with two glasses, two teaspoons with a piece of cubic sugar on each, a bottle of mysterious emerald absinth and a little bottle of opium poison with an eyedropper in it. Everything arranged for a right mood of a perfect date.

…sparkle jumped out of the fire to feed upon ancient carpet…
…mouse took a bite at an electric cord and died of shock…
…a drop of melted wax ran down the candle like a tear of sorrow…

Now, the only thing that’s missing is she. He looked at the clock and thought to himself: “she must be here any minute now.” He sat down into the comfy armchair and started nervously tapping fingers against the wood of an armchair. He has written down a perfect monologue for such an occasion and he has practiced it million times. He was really sure of himself. He knew he won’t let himself down. After all, he controlled the situation.

…a little spring in an ancient clock scratches wooden plate almost making a hole…
…small dried out fly laid next to an elephant statue for couple of months now…
…wind snapped off the phone cable and tore it down…

She was being late, but only for a few minutes. He knew that the real lady must always be late for the date to make a better impression. He started walking back and forth to relax a bit, but actually it didn’t help at all. A thought that he might be not ready sparkled in his mind, but he chased it away. After all, it took him 8 months. He cannot be not ready! Maybe she forgot the address? Or maybe something happened to…

…knock…knock…knock…knock…

“Ah, finally!” He ran to the door, on the way stopping in front of a mirror to check if everything was all right. He opened the door and there she stood. More beautiful than ever. For a second he stood speechless, even forgot to let her in, but came around quickly and politely greeted her, stepping from the way. He took her coat and invited her for a drink at the fireplace. “It is cold outside. Please, come to the fireplace. Warm yourself and I will fix us a drink.” She gladly accepted invitation and let herself down into the comfort of an armchair.

…third stair always squeaks under human weight…
…an egg fell down from the nest and broke…
…you van put T.V. on a stand by mode…

He sat in a second armchair and started pouring emerald liquid through a cubic of sugar into the glass. He filled both glasses. Put two drops of opium poison on each cubic of sugar and lit it with a match. She watched the ritual with sparkles of interest in her eyes.
When everything was ready, both of them took their glasses. Only after each of them made a sip of hot sweet emerald drink, he dared to break the silence.

…Dimebag Darrel was shot 4 times in his head during a gig at…
…constant use of marijuana causes impotence…
…giant tsunami wave hit several Asian countries. Number of casualties increases…

Everything was as perfect as he could only dreamed of. She was sweet like an angel. He felt how dear she was to his heart. He felt that he could sit here and talk to her forever. It was a fantastic feeling. That is when he understood what he had to do next…

…great white shark – a perfect killing machine – endangered species…
…50 piranhas leave only bare bones from a cow in 2.6 minutes…
…alien spaceship seen near Chkhorotsku. It left a message on a cornfield…

He felt her warmth over his arms. He felt so happy, yet a bit sad. He finally achieved what he wanted. He went to the bathroom. Stripped. Threw blood-covered clothes into a basket. He was too tired to wash it now. He stood under a hot shower, enjoying recent memories…

…glare of bare steel in his hand…
…knife sinking deep into her flesh…
…warm blood on his arms…on his face…
…final sounding bubbling in her beautiful slit throat…
…her gorgeous eyes staring at him with fear and surprise…
…she will never see another face in her life…
…she will remain his forever and ever and ever and ever…
…he kissed her warm lips a goodbye and murmured the words…
…”All beauty must die!”…forever and ever…and ever…and ever…

:top:

Who Killed Kennedy?

Imagine yourself on the dark side of the spoon.
A small mole is digging deep into the core of artificial protoplasm.
A schizophrenic worm tries out another mastermind plan of taking over the world.
Lisa Simpson tries to get away from the reality by smoking another token of ganja.
Big Fat Bastard wins a beauty contest.
A split second enables happy flames to shine free on a picture.
A blurred vision of narcotic dream arrested by a sober cop.
Fetish-bondage-latex party for bored schoolgirls to show their real “I”s.
Smell of dye kills out cigarette smoke with a pleasant scent of clean hair.
Pandora turns on TV!
Grand design of living fabric is perfectly demonstrated in happy glance.
I don’t want to be designer, because I will make everything black!
Homer can write whenever he wants, but all his ideas will remain stupid regardless of the time.
Miss M. is awaiting your arrival, sir! Don’t hesitate to sniff some cocaine before going out!
Hey, Superstar! Watch out watch out!!! You’re zero of a kind.
Black line of good luck has sunrise on the schedule.
I’m just a little whore, who’s trying to dissolve her face in magnitude of people.
I am angel with a scabbed wings waiting for soul in front of nickel gates.
Black limousine arrived. God steps out of it. Everyone knows he is God, because no one has seen him before.
Eye-contact me princess, even though you are to much for one boy.
And after all these facts you will still ask me who killed Kennedy?!

:top:

Hallucination

Darkness…interrupted only by bluish glittering of TV…
Occasional flames ignited from nowhere…
Soul-freeing trance-like music…
Lazy slow motions…
Like a cat making herself comfortable in unspeakable stretch…
Twisting in a slender waist, like a dance of snake lit by a glare of fire…
Showing of her back, off from her thigh up to her waist…
Another snake like movement revealing more bare flesh…
Skin is gloomy-lit by bluish glittering of display…
Occasional flickering of flame butterflies in the dark bring mystic shadows and reflections…
Tempting whiteness and tenderness marked with spread-branched ornament…
The symbolic pattern with a code encrypted by pain…
Waist making final lazy move, just before coming to a final destination…
An unthinkable pose of a black cat that has reached the apex of comfort,
And of snake coiled around the neck of petite Asian beauty…
Moments run like hours before whole body staggers back to movement…
Up from the black leather comfort, back to her feet…
Dance-like movement of whole torso swaying up throwing everyone into trance…
Hands sliding up…
Fingers intertwine with hair…
Slender back showing all the beauty of bare flesh with ornament at the center of the waist…
Motions of cobra dancing out of her basket in trance of Indian fakir…
Over shoulder glance of pleasure from attention…
Blackness… No pumping…
Coroner’s verdict:” Death from overdose of drugs which lead to blood-spill to brain…”
…

:top:

Dusty Stockings

As always, I wanted only to justify myself before her.
I crawled under the sofa of prior century to find what old people usually hide under it.
A pair of cigar boxes, one Cuban and other unidentified.
There is something in it.
One full of piled up photos of dirty pornography and dusty stockings.
And the other one enhancing the sharp blade cleaned to perfect condition.
Looking around with terror and staining up the soul with guilt.
Unfortunate misconduction brought synapse to the spine with electrifying spark.
The sight of bare breasts with seductive nipples stealing whole view.
Staring like an imbecile at view that Mother Nature granted as a gift.
Feeling out the skin with fingertips and lust inside.
Circling ‘round the bellybutton, pulling the right strings for hidden passion.
Conspiration of long-awaited orgasm upgrading strained and still-fresh body.
The power concentrating in the middle with every inch of sensitivity inside.
The touch of tongue electrifies the shock of pleasure right inside the tummy.
It felt like butterfly meat the shadow of crucified Christ.
An ocean under me with gates of two dead trees guarding it from me.
The bliss of sweaty bodies coiled around each other in the snake dance of ecstasy.
Now bring me head of a beautiful princess and we’ll divide her waist.
The youth syrup dripping from the corner of her mouth.
Lips devouring pleasure of the juice of everlasting life.
And the key takes its place in the place where it belongs – the warm and dark.
Until you’re my little princess, I’ll bring you up like a sweetest angel.
As soon as you’re gone, I’ll bring you down to earth like a filthy whore.
Bring it back…back to me…back to reality…

:top: